I have been there. I have put a meal on the table and had it thrown on the floor by my children! I vividly remember going to a friend’s house whilst my daughter was little and her taking one bite out of a sausage and throwing it on the floor with some force. The reaction from my friend and her, much older, children will stick with me for ever. I was so embarrassed. My friend didn’t know what to do!
First thing to say on this topic is – you are not alone.
Let’s dive into the 5 things your child might be telling you
1. I have had enough
I have got to the end of the food I want to eat and I have had enough. I need to communicate this to you but I am not sure how to so I will just get rid of it. The best strategy here is to teach them a sign (not throwing food) to show they are all done, Something simple. You can model it and use the words at the same time. The key thing is that when they say ‘all done’ or give the sign, you respond immediately and take the food away and allow them to get down from the table. If you don’t respond to the sign but you do respond to the throwing of the food, they will learn they need to throw the food to get down. Consistency is key.
2. I don’t like this food
This might be anything from not liking the look of it to not liking the taste of it to it just not being what I wanted at this moment! Again, throwing is a method of communication here. They are trying to tell you they don’t like it. Possible strategies here are to give them the words when they throw the food – saying ‘no thank you Mummy’ for example, or you could try ending the meal at this point saying ‘all done’. With the latter this reiterates the learning from point 1. Key to the success here is not reacting strongly and not giving an alternative option (really hard, I know!)
3. I want your attention
We have so many things to do as parents and children spend a lot of time eating so we can be forgiven for not giving our children attention all the time but throwing might be their way of communicating they want your attention. If we only respond when they throw food, that reinforces the successful strategy to get attention is to throw food narrative your little one has going on. So, try giving attention before the throwing. Look out for cues they are getting bored or tired and end the mealtime earlier. They can always shout at you if taking food away too early if you get the cue interpretation wrong.
4. I want to play
Mealtimes are also playtime for your little one. Throwing might be a new skill they are practising for example. Success here is allowing our children to play within boundaries. So, encourage play but when they start throwing, end the mealtime and say ‘no thank you’.
5. This is what food is for
Frustrating as it is, throwing food can become a habit. Breaking the habit takes time and consistency. Our biggest challenge is to stay calm and be consistent. Children need consistency to see where the boundaries are and to learn. Think about how many times they heard you say mummy or daddy before they learnt to say it. You don’t have to wait til they can talk to help them communicate. My favourite signs to teach my children were ‘all done’ and ‘more’. You can use official signs or you can make up your own – easy ones mind!
The throwing food stage can be exhausting and time consuming. I can’t promise a quick fix. Some children work it out in a week when you consistently end the meal when they throw food, others take longer. Remember you are not alone and they will learn.
Want more support with your family mealtimes, drop me an email and we can book a complimentary chat.